Every step so far feels like a struggle and then the feeling of uncertainty just throws it completely off. Fear is pretty strong right now. But I’ve already made so much effort to get past it. There’s so much I need to accomplish that it’s becoming daunting. There’s always the thought, I could’ve made it easier on myself b/c I’m rather simple. But this inexplicable push from somewhere inside me just ask me to do it. 

Not enough

To some point I feel delusional that I can get past this deep bold boundary to the other side. I really don’t care about competition but it’s still matters to compare. I just don’t feel enough. There’s been more instances of, “maybe I really am not cut for this”, “this is so difficult “, and “I’m really tired”… Why can’t I just give up? It’s really difficult when time and money have been invested for more than 2 years. It’s even more sour when he’s fighting a very similar battle of finding self worth in this competitive world.