Stressors

I bet it felt the same. The same feeling of lost, depressed mood and anxiety attacks. All induced from the lack of responses you get in all the jobs you applied to and the mounting debt. I’m usually not cynical but it’s rather difficult not to be when this is the reality. Even though, my focus is different now…seeing someone I love in the exact situation gives me anxiety. I have and am still saying, ‘I don’t think I’ll get married the next 10 years’. I say it seriously with a pinch of humor so no one suspect it to really be my reality. With both of us in unstable financial situations, it’s hard to see past it. I’m afraid, it’ll be just like one of those statistics. Graduated with a whole heck load of debt and no jobs in sight.  It almost, just almost makes me feel that it’s so pointless to go to school and get all these degrees that no one is even looking to hire you. 

Honestly, I don’t know how to adult. My parents were never on the path I had or even integrated to the modern society. The idea of ‘going online to find a job’ sound like a piece of cake to them. They don’t understand that computers do most of the jobs in filtering. 

Sometimes I wish I wasn’t so much of a rebel. Just following the crowd might have been better. Maybe. School debt is as scary as death and maybe even worse because even after your death it doesn’t go away. 

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